New Words and Phrases

I just wanted to share with you some of the knowledge I've been gaining by learning new words and phrases. The "helpers" around me have been so kind to correct me and make sure I'm using correct English - after all, it is their responsibility.

So when I need something sewn, I really need it "stitched"
And when I want to take the elevator, I really mean the "lift"
When Eric needs the men's room, he really needs the "gents" (or the side of the road : )
And when I'm trying to go to the 2nd floor, I really mean the 1st
What the heck is capsicum and why does it look exactly like a green pepper?
And I swear these coriander leaves look and smell just like cilantro!
I was a little leery when the security guard asked me for a torch - all I could think of was Indiana Jones going through one of those caves....... and soon realized he really meant a flashlight.
If I'm ever in need of a taxi, I really need an auto.

One morning I wasn't feeling well and mentioned to my driver that I had a stomach ache. He asked, "Are you having loose motion, madam?" as he pointed to his bowel area and made circular motions. Did he just ask me if I was having diarrhea? I am NOT having this conversation. I just mumbled and turned my head.

Another day we were driving and were stopped at a light. A man on a motorcycle (I mean two-wheeler) got mad at my driver for something and was yelling his head off at us (in Tamil). He was really ticked and trying to get my driver out of the car - I just kept praying he would stay in the car - and he did. After we passed, my driver asked, "Madam, were you scared?" I said, "A little......boy, that man was mad wasn't he?" My driver said, "Oh, no madam, he wasn't very mad. He saw you in the car so he didn't give the 'big shout'" I said, "Oh....was that just the 'little shout'?" And then he laughs at me as if I said something funny. I guess "big shout" is appropriate, but not "little shout". Big shout, little shout, medium shout...whatever.....I'm just glad Tamilians don't normally "pack".

And lastly, my driver likes to point out interesting sights to me - I think he's pretending he's a tour guide or something. Things like politicians homes, government buildings, places where the Tsunami hit, stores he thinks I would like, dead animals, dead people, and accidents (and he always explains to me exactly how the accident happened, even though we weren't anywhere around). So one day he points out a group of what I thought were women wearing Saree's and he said, "see those people?" I said "yeah", he said in his heavy Indian accent, "they are not women, and they are not men". What the heck? I looked at him confused and said "what are they?" not sure if I really wanted to know the answer. He said "I don't know English word, but not woman or man". I said, "how do you know" he said, "I am just knowing, madam". So the only thing I can conclude is that they were transvestites? Any of my expat friends, help me out.

As I learn more English words and phrases, I will be sure to share, so you, too, can speak properly..... Ah hem.